Renee · the · Chaotic

I haven't been trapped in a cave. For awhile, I had another account, but that's not important. I have a job, yes. I've had a 6 month relationship. Went out with one of my friends, and it was werid. I've become more bitter because this year everyone seems to be so gawd damn stupid, but I shouldn't be talking, my grades are still average. My writing has been sucking. I've been singing more, and writing poetry. I'm about to go back into that 6 month relationship, and he's going to Stanislaus when summer is over. I'm going to become a senior as of the end of the school day on May 24th. I don't have a lot of friends, I'm trying to keep in touch with the ones I used to talk to and then I remember why I don't talk to some of those people. While I was single, I tried getting into a relationship with someone who used to like me but I kept openly rejecting him... I feel bad. Now that we're caught up... I'm gonna vent about Paulo because that was who I was just talking about (not the 6 month relationship).

I really messed up our friendship, especially when I tried to force a relationship on him, it was stupid. Our relationship as friends changed dramatically over time... It's killing me. I think writing that one blog about how he won't help me with my computer is what made him stop reading my blogs... I mean, I can just tell. Then sometimes we'd be okay. I can't make heads-or-tails of him, but I deserve it. I treated him like crap. I just needed to vent about this on my old account so now one else can read this. It's not safe to vent on my new account and my myspace blog. I regret what I did... Maybe in the future there'll be that oppurtunity, but I can't have too much hope because my semi-boyfriend (once ex) Chris is really good for me. He's the only guy my family likes, the only person I can connect with in interests, and he's understanding... Things were just wrong anyway when we were going out, but I'm not getting into that.

I just wish I hadn't done anything to hurt Paulo. :[ I really wish our friendship will get better again. Man, listening to Duran Duran doesn't help me because Paulo is like an esscense of nostalgia for me. Esepcially last summer, and Texas... He told me he loved me, over the phone, while I was miles away, and the next day I was coming back home.

*sigh* Growing up sucks, but that's just how it is. :/

So here's my plans so far for my birthday next month.

October 14.
Birthday dinner in San Francisco at the Hard Rock Cafe on Pier 39. Then my friends and I gonna shop/walk around Pier 39.
Getting to the Bart train station by car to Dublin/Pleasington then walking when we get to San Francisco.
Who I am inviting to join this SMALL get together:(Mind you my mom is coming too, grr.) Chris, Ashlee, Kala, and maybe Jenna in case Kala and Ashlee can't go. Then if Kala and Ashlee can't go, maybe b00n wants to tag along?

October 21.
Birthday Party at Tony's Donut Shop ("The Donut Shop"). Most of my friends can show up. Even if I don't invite some of my friends (because we hang out there every Saturday anyway), they can still show up and "crash my party." I'm having the party at the donut shop because I don't want my mom there for many reasons. I have to break it to her still. If she refuses to listen to my request... I can cry on cue!

Anyway. *clears throat* Yesss...

"The protest would've gone well if you guys didn't act immaturely about it. If you want to be treated like adults, then don't yell at the authority. Yes, boo-hoo, "Renee you're no fun!" It's not about fun. It's about being heard, right? If you all wanted to be heard then you should've been more organized and not come to school with a poster board saying "666 SATAN" and ruining your chances for the authorities to hear what you have to say. The protest was not only for Satanists and Pagans, it was for the people who's closet consist of skulls and crossbones, Hollister, solid brown shirts, and polka dots. You know what, since you guys failed the school might as well give us uniforms. If I was there, I'd snap at you guys to STFU and tried to get the admin to hear what we had to say instead of what you guys actually did (you'd all get quiet the minute you hear me roar in anger because you rarely see Renee burst). Don't believe that quiet little Renee would do that? I would've been there despite how stupid the approach was. If you guys don't want to give up just yet, try again next, and the next, then switch it up on them so they don't expect them. Break them down so they'll hear you, BUT BE REASONABLE. I heard you lot made the secretary cry. Is that how bad you all were? DISGRACE. I know most of you don't like to be mature (like Crawford, Costa, and all you "hardcore" satanist people), but if you want your way at school you have to have RESPECT. And causing such a scene to terrify a woman, possibly making her believe our generation is in the drains, is just plain stupid.

That's all I have to say. I'm sorry if I "disapponited" my friends for leaving the protest, but I knew it was gonna be bad because I know how most of you get when you just won't settle down.

Try again next time, or be oppressed by uniformity.

<3 Renee"

I fuckin' hate Adam Crawford with a passion because he's a dumbass and should be damned to heaven. AND Katy Costa. I'm ashamed of my friends that went and protest for "our rights" and having Paganism being accused of being the same as Satanism and trying to defend it... but the people there were so stupid. I couldn't stick to it. Maybe next time, if it happens. Bunch of dumbasses.

My new relationship with my boyfriend Chris is something I've always wanted, but didn't know I could ever have it because I was stubborn and naive and thought my ideal relationship was something that would rarely happen. Everything happens for a reason. If you just live life and make risks when it matters, things will be fine. And look at where I am at. I can actually talk to Chris about things and we have a lot in common. I'm being myself. I'm not some freakin' trophy girlfriend like when I was with Steven (Popish). He doesn't just take off to talk to his friends, he excuses himself and tells me where he's going. When we're together I'm not alone. And he's not a jerk. I don't feel like crap when I'm with him, and I have not gone home crying because I think I miss him. I do miss him, but I know his heart is with me so I have a smile on my face and not worried so much about him being a manwhore with his friends. I mean... I'm so far content with my relationship because so far it's been better than my last few relationships with Regina, Steven, Jesse, and Christian. :] I really like my Chris. It's still too soon to say I love him, but it's getting there.

...I need new user icons. XP I'll just use the new Bif Naked ones I have.

Billie Joe Armstrong
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(Chord G9[(c)me])
You bring me
up down
up down
You bring me
up down
up down

(Chord A [hammer on/off])
You make me feel like a
rollercoaster of emotions
a bipolar schizo off my meds

(Chord Em)
I hate you
but I wouldn't wish
any harm to you because
I love you

(Chord D)
I hate to love you
I love to hate you

You make me
Miss you
Hate you
Love you
You do

(G9)
You bring me
up down
up down
You bring me
up down
up down

(A hammer on/off)
You make me feel like
I'm no good for anyone
a post-lesbian who hates guys

(Em)
I hate you
but I'd give
my life for yours
I love you

(D)
I love to hate you
I hate to love you

You make me
Love you
Hate you
Miss you

You bring me...

-----
Finally wrote lyrics. And it goes perfectly to my "Untitled" song. Now it's titled "You bring me." Now...to get the lyrics down and singing it at the same time without botching both of them...

Yes, this was written for and dedicated to Steven. LOVE YA. (Wish you stuck around so I could congradulate you on your Drama Award!)

If it hasn't gotten through ANYONE's head yet... I hate Sundays. :D okay? Thanks. Bye.

....

Something just always happens to me on Sundays that put me down. Now I feel like screwing a nail in my nail. :DD BYE BYE.